30 days to a new me

Hello Dear Reader,
I hope this day finds you well and your weekend was joyful and productive – whatever that means to you. For me that meant completing the Associate degree I started three years ago. I submitted my final paper in my final class at about 2:00pm (well ahead of the deadline hour). Now if I scored enough points on that paper I will be a college graduate finally.
We left off with me outlining my plan to raise again within the Tyson ranks. I was discussing that my first step was to quit smoking and I hinted as to how that would help me.
Let’s dive deeper into that shall we? I see quitting smoking as a huge change in my life. I have smoked since I was 13 years old. Now other than a boot camp and a few days here and there I have had a cigarette – at least one – every day of my life for the last 23 years. By changing that part I am signifying, not only myself but to anyone who may be watching, that I am changing; that I have begun the process to become a different me.
Smoking has been a source of excuses for me for most of my life. I have used the fact that I smoke as an excuse not to exercise or run or many other things. I have used smoking, or the lack of nicotine, as an excuse to be an asshole to those I love and who love me; even to those who just did not deserve for me to be an asshole towards. It has been ok for me to get mad at little things and to unfairly yell at my wife or kids because I had not had a smoke in a few hours. Well it has never been ok to do these things and I have a lot to make up for. My addiction to nicotine does not excuse my behavior and I need to regain control of my life. At work my smoking allowed me to take extra breaks – these were justified to me because I needed that cigarette.
I have smoked three cigarettes in the last week. I am not nicotine free – I have been using the patch and I have used a few pouches of snus (spittless tobacco) – not at the same time. I did not wear a patch this whole weekend (took it off Friday night around 6pm and will not put one on until about 2pm today). I have noticed something different already – I’m not sure if anyone has noticed yet – but I have noticed that since I know I will not be smoking I am already controlling my irritation response better. I am not yelling as much – I am still having the nicotine withdrawal just not letting the irritability effect me as much.
So the plan is that 30 days smoke free and then I follow that with a life time of smoke free living. The saying says that it take 30 days to form a habit. Let’s see how days it takes to undo a habit of 23 years. I might not write very much on this subject – what is there to tell really? Either I smoked or not.