Hello Dear Reader,
I hope this day finds you well and your weekend was joyful and productive – whatever that means to you. For me that meant completing the Associate degree I started three years ago. I submitted my final paper in my final class at about 2:00pm (well ahead of the deadline hour). Now if I scored enough points on that paper I will be a college graduate finally.
We left off with me outlining my plan to raise again within the Tyson ranks. I was discussing that my first step was to quit smoking and I hinted as to how that would help me.
Let’s dive deeper into that shall we? I see quitting smoking as a huge change in my life. I have smoked since I was 13 years old. Now other than a boot camp and a few days here and there I have had a cigarette – at least one – every day of my life for the last 23 years. By changing that part I am signifying, not only myself but to anyone who may be watching, that I am changing; that I have begun the process to become a different me.
Smoking has been a source of excuses for me for most of my life. I have used the fact that I smoke as an excuse not to exercise or run or many other things. I have used smoking, or the lack of nicotine, as an excuse to be an asshole to those I love and who love me; even to those who just did not deserve for me to be an asshole towards. It has been ok for me to get mad at little things and to unfairly yell at my wife or kids because I had not had a smoke in a few hours. Well it has never been ok to do these things and I have a lot to make up for. My addiction to nicotine does not excuse my behavior and I need to regain control of my life. At work my smoking allowed me to take extra breaks – these were justified to me because I needed that cigarette.
I have smoked three cigarettes in the last week. I am not nicotine free – I have been using the patch and I have used a few pouches of snus (spittless tobacco) – not at the same time. I did not wear a patch this whole weekend (took it off Friday night around 6pm and will not put one on until about 2pm today). I have noticed something different already – I’m not sure if anyone has noticed yet – but I have noticed that since I know I will not be smoking I am already controlling my irritation response better. I am not yelling as much – I am still having the nicotine withdrawal just not letting the irritability effect me as much.
So the plan is that 30 days smoke free and then I follow that with a life time of smoke free living. The saying says that it take 30 days to form a habit. Let’s see how days it takes to undo a habit of 23 years. I might not write very much on this subject – what is there to tell really? Either I smoked or not.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Step 1
Hello. This blog will chronicle my journey towards relevancy. I will explain that later, I promise. Let me give you a little back ground on myself then I will get down to business. This will be my second blog. The other one is a light, comical look into my daily life – the wife and kids, maybe a thing or two about work from time to time, subjects I feel qualified to rant about and so on. I am a 34 year old man from Kansas. Politically I lean right but from a moderately left position. I won’t get too much into that here but you can check out http://miketoldyouso.blogspot.com to get more of that stuff. I am married with three amazing children. I once was a Sailor, I have traveled half the world and can tell you anything you want to know about the bars in most Asian countries and quite a few here the USA. I am a proud US citizen and consider myself a patriot. I rarely drink and recently quit smoking. Yes I am a saint. Religion is not a subject I tend to discuss much but I think this blog will be a good place to explore some of my philosophy toward the spiritual realm.
Ok enough on this shit – want to know more read my profile. I want to get into why I think I need to start another blog and why I have chosen to allow you be part of my journey. I am a pity fiend – I need you to feel sorry for me. Ok not really I just think better through my writing and since I quit smoking I need an outlet for stress as well.
So why do I think that I am irrelevant? I don’t actually. I know that my wife and children depend on me and need me as much as I need them. I am a Cub Scout leader and have been very successful leading young boys to realize their potential. Some of my older scouts that started with me in their 1st grade year and were in my den through their third grade are now well on their way to achieving their Eagle Scout Awards. I like to think that I had a part in that. So why am I searching for relevancy? Do I need more fulfillments in my life? Do I need more recognition? Not really – well in one area I do. Professionally I have slid from star to failure. Let’s go back to the early years and bring you up to date. I am going to be very honest with myself in these writings but please do not view this as a plea for sympathy.
I graduated High School in December of 1993. I was not super smart or anything great like that. I hated school. I came too close to being expelled during my senior year because I did not want to go to school anymore. The only reason I did not drop out was because of my mom (and my recruiter). I did not want to disappoint her by quitting High School and I was determined to join the Navy (I needed a high school diploma for that). I was allowed to go the alternative high school and finish my credits required to graduate – even though the principle was determined that I should stay on the regular high school because that was more for a college bound students (my recruiter being at the meeting in uniform was not enough to make this guy realize I was not headed to college at that point). Well mom said she would back my play as long as I got my diploma and had a job until I left for RTC (Recruit Training Camp – boot camp). I was a good Sailor. I worked hard in boot camp – I wasn’t a stand out but I did what I was supposed to do to the best of my ability (ok I was pushed beyond my abilities in many, many, many cases). When I got to my ‘A’ school to learn my rate (job) I excelled. I was at the top of my class. I had choice of duty stations and would have made E-4 had I not got into trouble for wearing my civilian clothes before they were authorized. Lesson learned right? Nope. When I got to the fleet I worked hard and stood out. I got advanced qualifications as a stretcher bear and on the fire party. Then I let my anger get me shit canned. I punched one my senior petty officers and that led to my down fall as a Sailor. I will not go into the story here just understand that I know I did this to myself despite some mitigating circumstances.
After the Navy I went to work with my Stepdad in a sheet metal fabrication/commercial HVAC company. I worked hard (usually) and learned quickly. I lead a few small jobs within a couple years of being employed there. I decided that I needed to explore greener pastures so I moved my wife and young son to Wichita, Kansas where I brought us into a situation where I did not make enough money to support our lifestyle. The house cost too much to live in at our income, I insisted that we have the top notch cable and internet hooked up, well you get the picture. Soon enough we were forced to leave Wichita or become homeless.
That is when I found my career – though I did not realize it at the time. I went to work in the Refrigeration maintenance department of IBP (later sold out to Tyson). I took to this job like a fish in the water or some other neat analogy like that. I worked hard; I learned everything I could absorb. I had good trainers and a couple not so great ones. I had a few good partners and made a lifelong friend or two. I rose through the rank and file and within four years I was “promoted” (more like a lateral slide) to become the PSM (Process Safety Management) Coordinator. I was as close to management as one can get without the pay or benefits. I had responsibility out the ass with no real authority (that combination is difficult to deal with). I learned a lot. I was a star. I took the position beyond where any others before had gone with it. I developed training programs for the refrigeration crew (new hire and senior techs alike). I also learned how to plan projects and coordinate contractors. I learned company and industry codes regulating ammonia refrigeration processes.
Then my attitude came along. This blog will not be used to make excuses, give explanations, or talk shit on anyone. I got caught up in doing the right thing that had unpopular consequences – senior members of manage were released and some were shifted laterally. This opened the way for new management to come into the picture. This new management seemed to be a good change but was more like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I will tell you this –there were some promises made and insinuations made that were done either as act of ignorance or manipulation. I allowed myself to slip. I stopped caring about my job. I focused on endeavors outside of the plant. This was the time when I started the security company with my best friend. I ran from the plant as soon as I could feasibly get away. Now was not soon enough. I left behind a mess in my old job. I left behind hard feelings and bridges that were burning.
I was happy working my company for the year I did that. I learned a lot about me and I learned a lot about what it takes to be a leader. Owning the company does not make you a leader and I had to deal with that realization. Long story shortened for my own selfish reasons – I left the plant too soon. We were not making enough money to support both families and as cool as we thought it was for me to be full time it was a bad idea. Then the fall out came. Moonlight was darkened and then the sun and the moon split. I left the company in order to remain friends with my partner and to save my marriage. Sorry that is all the details that you get dear Reader.
So after five months of desperation I took the first job that came along. I became a Customer Interfacing Unit Operator – aka cashier – at a grocery store. The pay sucked, there was never enough hours to compensate for the shitty pay and I loved it. I loved working with the people there. I loved interacting with the customers (most of them). We enjoyed the employee discounts. Then I found out Tyson was hiring refrigeration mechanics from the outside (finally).
This brings me to the search for relevancy. I am starting over. Had I not left when I did I would now have 3 weeks of paid vacation. I would be in the top 10% of the seniority for all of maintenance. I would still be miserable. I needed to step away and find me again. I needed to realize how to be that star employee again. Being the boss helped me find that. I was a great security guard – I was passionate about it. Passion. That was what I had lost. Passion for life, passion for learning, and passion to do my best (a little Cub Scout pun there).
I spoke at length with my once mentor (I hope he will mentor me again) today. I have a long uphill battle before I can even consider being seen as a star again. I have to prove myself all over. I have to at once forget the past and move forward yet change my past in the minds of the senior management. Daniel told me today that I have the ability and the opportunity to make it happen. I knew that but it is nice to hear that from someone I respect and look up to. Daniel has the fruit on his tree that I want on mine. Daniel has been quite successful in his endeavors in the meat industry. He has his dream job and is happy that he is making a difference in the entire plant’s personnel – both directly and indirectly.
So to begin my transformation, my metamorphosis, I have changed a few minor things that I will work on. I have identified four major areas I need to improve upon. I will focus on one each month and rotate the pattern. The four areas I have identified as being my weak points are:
1. I took excessive breaks before
2. I was an avid procrastinator
3. I was often late to work
4. I had a DILIGAF outlook on my position.
This week I have begun working on the first of my weakness. Each month I will move to the next one but not forget the habits I started on the previous months. One way I plan on combating excessive breaks is to quit smoking. I would smoke a pack a day before I left. If I was doing my job I would not have had the time to smoke half of that. I will use this blog to chronicle my journey of metamorphosis into the star I once was. I will write – not each day but at least four times a week – and discuss my success and failures in the change process. At this point I have had 3 cigarettes since Tuesday.
Ok enough on this shit – want to know more read my profile. I want to get into why I think I need to start another blog and why I have chosen to allow you be part of my journey. I am a pity fiend – I need you to feel sorry for me. Ok not really I just think better through my writing and since I quit smoking I need an outlet for stress as well.
So why do I think that I am irrelevant? I don’t actually. I know that my wife and children depend on me and need me as much as I need them. I am a Cub Scout leader and have been very successful leading young boys to realize their potential. Some of my older scouts that started with me in their 1st grade year and were in my den through their third grade are now well on their way to achieving their Eagle Scout Awards. I like to think that I had a part in that. So why am I searching for relevancy? Do I need more fulfillments in my life? Do I need more recognition? Not really – well in one area I do. Professionally I have slid from star to failure. Let’s go back to the early years and bring you up to date. I am going to be very honest with myself in these writings but please do not view this as a plea for sympathy.
I graduated High School in December of 1993. I was not super smart or anything great like that. I hated school. I came too close to being expelled during my senior year because I did not want to go to school anymore. The only reason I did not drop out was because of my mom (and my recruiter). I did not want to disappoint her by quitting High School and I was determined to join the Navy (I needed a high school diploma for that). I was allowed to go the alternative high school and finish my credits required to graduate – even though the principle was determined that I should stay on the regular high school because that was more for a college bound students (my recruiter being at the meeting in uniform was not enough to make this guy realize I was not headed to college at that point). Well mom said she would back my play as long as I got my diploma and had a job until I left for RTC (Recruit Training Camp – boot camp). I was a good Sailor. I worked hard in boot camp – I wasn’t a stand out but I did what I was supposed to do to the best of my ability (ok I was pushed beyond my abilities in many, many, many cases). When I got to my ‘A’ school to learn my rate (job) I excelled. I was at the top of my class. I had choice of duty stations and would have made E-4 had I not got into trouble for wearing my civilian clothes before they were authorized. Lesson learned right? Nope. When I got to the fleet I worked hard and stood out. I got advanced qualifications as a stretcher bear and on the fire party. Then I let my anger get me shit canned. I punched one my senior petty officers and that led to my down fall as a Sailor. I will not go into the story here just understand that I know I did this to myself despite some mitigating circumstances.
After the Navy I went to work with my Stepdad in a sheet metal fabrication/commercial HVAC company. I worked hard (usually) and learned quickly. I lead a few small jobs within a couple years of being employed there. I decided that I needed to explore greener pastures so I moved my wife and young son to Wichita, Kansas where I brought us into a situation where I did not make enough money to support our lifestyle. The house cost too much to live in at our income, I insisted that we have the top notch cable and internet hooked up, well you get the picture. Soon enough we were forced to leave Wichita or become homeless.
That is when I found my career – though I did not realize it at the time. I went to work in the Refrigeration maintenance department of IBP (later sold out to Tyson). I took to this job like a fish in the water or some other neat analogy like that. I worked hard; I learned everything I could absorb. I had good trainers and a couple not so great ones. I had a few good partners and made a lifelong friend or two. I rose through the rank and file and within four years I was “promoted” (more like a lateral slide) to become the PSM (Process Safety Management) Coordinator. I was as close to management as one can get without the pay or benefits. I had responsibility out the ass with no real authority (that combination is difficult to deal with). I learned a lot. I was a star. I took the position beyond where any others before had gone with it. I developed training programs for the refrigeration crew (new hire and senior techs alike). I also learned how to plan projects and coordinate contractors. I learned company and industry codes regulating ammonia refrigeration processes.
Then my attitude came along. This blog will not be used to make excuses, give explanations, or talk shit on anyone. I got caught up in doing the right thing that had unpopular consequences – senior members of manage were released and some were shifted laterally. This opened the way for new management to come into the picture. This new management seemed to be a good change but was more like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I will tell you this –there were some promises made and insinuations made that were done either as act of ignorance or manipulation. I allowed myself to slip. I stopped caring about my job. I focused on endeavors outside of the plant. This was the time when I started the security company with my best friend. I ran from the plant as soon as I could feasibly get away. Now was not soon enough. I left behind a mess in my old job. I left behind hard feelings and bridges that were burning.
I was happy working my company for the year I did that. I learned a lot about me and I learned a lot about what it takes to be a leader. Owning the company does not make you a leader and I had to deal with that realization. Long story shortened for my own selfish reasons – I left the plant too soon. We were not making enough money to support both families and as cool as we thought it was for me to be full time it was a bad idea. Then the fall out came. Moonlight was darkened and then the sun and the moon split. I left the company in order to remain friends with my partner and to save my marriage. Sorry that is all the details that you get dear Reader.
So after five months of desperation I took the first job that came along. I became a Customer Interfacing Unit Operator – aka cashier – at a grocery store. The pay sucked, there was never enough hours to compensate for the shitty pay and I loved it. I loved working with the people there. I loved interacting with the customers (most of them). We enjoyed the employee discounts. Then I found out Tyson was hiring refrigeration mechanics from the outside (finally).
This brings me to the search for relevancy. I am starting over. Had I not left when I did I would now have 3 weeks of paid vacation. I would be in the top 10% of the seniority for all of maintenance. I would still be miserable. I needed to step away and find me again. I needed to realize how to be that star employee again. Being the boss helped me find that. I was a great security guard – I was passionate about it. Passion. That was what I had lost. Passion for life, passion for learning, and passion to do my best (a little Cub Scout pun there).
I spoke at length with my once mentor (I hope he will mentor me again) today. I have a long uphill battle before I can even consider being seen as a star again. I have to prove myself all over. I have to at once forget the past and move forward yet change my past in the minds of the senior management. Daniel told me today that I have the ability and the opportunity to make it happen. I knew that but it is nice to hear that from someone I respect and look up to. Daniel has the fruit on his tree that I want on mine. Daniel has been quite successful in his endeavors in the meat industry. He has his dream job and is happy that he is making a difference in the entire plant’s personnel – both directly and indirectly.
So to begin my transformation, my metamorphosis, I have changed a few minor things that I will work on. I have identified four major areas I need to improve upon. I will focus on one each month and rotate the pattern. The four areas I have identified as being my weak points are:
1. I took excessive breaks before
2. I was an avid procrastinator
3. I was often late to work
4. I had a DILIGAF outlook on my position.
This week I have begun working on the first of my weakness. Each month I will move to the next one but not forget the habits I started on the previous months. One way I plan on combating excessive breaks is to quit smoking. I would smoke a pack a day before I left. If I was doing my job I would not have had the time to smoke half of that. I will use this blog to chronicle my journey of metamorphosis into the star I once was. I will write – not each day but at least four times a week – and discuss my success and failures in the change process. At this point I have had 3 cigarettes since Tuesday.
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